Zutara Month 2015
by Strawwolf
Summary: Zuko and Katara are keeping their relationship a secret from their friends, the Fire Nation and the world. Events and people conspire against them, threatening not only their dreams but their lives. What will they need to sacrifice to survive?
1. Day 1 - Secret Lovers

Katara bid the Ambassadors good night and left the Council Chambers. She could only sigh in exhaustion after having survived a long day of negotiations. There had been little to no movement from the Earth Kingdom on import taxes and fishing rights, two issues the Southern Water Tribe needed resolution on before the winter storms arrived.

She scrubbed her eyes, trying to ignore the fact that she was going to be arguing over the same things tomorrow. It was slow work but necessary and she likely wouldn't have been happy with anyone else taking on the responsibility.

The hour was late but she had no idea if she should fit in a few hours at her desk or go straight to sleep. Her only evidence was the servants silently shuffling from wall to wall lighting the lanterns, signifying that Agni had set, with fire serving as a symbolic substitute until he rose again. She smiled to herself. There hadn't been time to go outside in the last few days and yet she could track the sun based on the efficiency of the palace servants.

One of the many drawbacks to her daily meetings was her personal rooms were on the opposite side of the complex. The newly-appointed Four Nations Wing was beautiful but also far away from everything else. And even after the amount of time she'd spent wandering the halls, she still got lost on occasion. Praying to Tui and La that didn't happen tonight she turned down a corridor identical to the last three.

She nodded to a group of Fire Nation delegates headed in the opposite direction. They were the same group from yesterday that had blocked any and all attempts to guarantee the Southern Water Tribe trading rights in Fire Nation ports. Afraid of foreign competition, their fierce protectionism was grating and made any trade deal a near impossibility. She was only happy that Sokka hadn't been able to attend this particular round of talks. It was hard enough controlling her own temper, tolerating the backhanded comments and intentional slights directed her way. She didn't want to think about how he'd have reacted.

As she was contemplating the trials of tomorrow she was grabbed from behind and pulled into a dark alcove, a rough hand over her mouth, another around her waist. For the briefest of moments she tensed, waterskin in hand, the muscle memory and impulse to defend herself too strong. But then she relaxed, smiling behind the hand as she felt a familiar heat at her back.

He leaned down, lips brushing her ear, his hands wrapping around her, pulling her close. "You know it's dangerous to be out walking alone at this time of night."

"Is it?" She feigned ignorance, secretly pleased that he'd been able to get out of his meetings early.

He slowly slid his hands down to her hips, fingers dragging down her tunic before he anchored her with his fingers. "You never know when a Firebender might catch a Waterbender unawares."

She shrugged against him. "Maybe I wanted to be caught." She laid her hands over his own and dragged them back up her body to cup her breasts.

"I wouldn't recommend it." He trailed his lips from her ear down to her neck, pressing open-mouthed kisses to her skin. "I hear there's a Fire Lord with a bad reputation wandering the halls."

"And what would happen if I ran into him?" She raised a brow, wondering how far he was going to take this charade.

"He'd probably pull you into a dark corner and have his way with you." He squeezed his hands for emphasis.

She smothered a giggle and instead turned in his arms. Even in shadow she could see the fondness in his eyes when he looked at her. Taking his face in her hands, her thumb stroked his scar as she stood on her toes and kissed him. He groaned in response, wrapping his arms around her.

La how she loved this! And yet all they had were these short stolen moments between meetings and after hours, when neither were busy or would be missed. It was a dream to imagine it could be anything else. Truthfully though she didn't want it to end.

He pushed her up against a wall, tongue dipping into her mouth, his hands sweeping up the outside of her thighs as he pulled her legs up and around his waist. Heavy breathing and the occasional whimper were the only hints that anything untoward might be taking place in the empty hallway.

Only once were they interrupted. Several minutes into their current tryst a trio of noblewomen walked past, discussing the latest rumours from Ba Sing Se. The pair froze, suddenly tense and anxious, the constant threat of discovery hanging over their heads. Only once the women were long gone did the two finally relax. He softly put her back on her feet, resting his forehead against hers.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" He sounded hopeful despite their schedules.

"Uncle's asked me to test some teas for the shop. Could you get away?"

Zuko chuckled. "He wants to know if his personal blend of jasmine is better than what he can order from the merchants. But don't tell him I told you."

She nodded and ran a hand through her hair, knowing she looked thoroughly disheveled. He watched as she quickly rebraided the waist-length silk he'd just had his hands wrapped around.

"I'll make time." He caressed her cheek before pulling her into a bruising kiss, their way of saying 'until next time'.

He quickly ducked out of the alcove, his face flushed as he quickly walked back to his own quarters. Katara gave him a few minutes while she composed herself. She could still feel his touch warm on her skin, grinning as she touched her lips. It was never enough and yet on no occasion had he left her unsatisfied.

Slipping into the hallway she walked back to her room with a giant grin on her face and fell asleep dreaming of tomorrow.


	2. Day 2 - Red String

Morning broke hot and muggy. In truth it was a maelstrom waiting to happen. The heat hung around all day, putting guests on edge. Red faces, sweat patches and a general malaise marked out those not born to the heat.

They called for cold soups, ice, chilled water and shade, depleting the ice stocks in the kitchen's cellars, losing their tempers over the smallest details. The mood was baffling and yet amusing to the Fire Nation. To them it was a typical day in the Caldera and yet their visitors appeared to be melting under the giving rays of Agni.

Things were no better in the Council Chambers, leaving almost everyone frustrated and short-tempered. The past half hour had involved a heated disagreement over fish stocks in a lake that straddled the Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom border.

Katara would have eagerly offered a far superior species that her people regularly netted but judging by their faces she believed input from anyone other than the concerned parties would be met with angry looks. So instead she entertained herself by freezing and thawing the water in front of her, eyes flicking to the door every so often, willing the servants with lunch to come barrelling through.

She was luckier than most when it came to this heat wave; the ice chips in her drink could attest to that. Her Northern Water Tribe counterparts had made more of show with their bending, earning the ire of everyone in the room. Katara normally would have cared but only hours ago they told her they had no use for any of her tribe's tiger seal oil, rendering it useless to bargain with. She ignored the glares from the Earth Kingdom delegates, stuck with their ineffectual fans, waving them frantically.

What felt like hours later the doors swung open, revealing tray upon tray of food. With the intended break from the oppressive rhetoric of the morning and her fellow ambassadors, she shot out the door. Honestly the last thing Katara wanted to do was spent her afternoon drinking tea but she'd made a promise to Uncle and she didn't have the heart to let him down. Instead she pulled back her shoulders, put a bright smile on her face and walked to the Family Quarters, nodding at the guards who let her pass.

She quietly knocked on his door, walking inside at a beckoning shout. She found him surrounded by a myriad of teapots and a large block of ice on a tray.

"Ah Miss Katara! Come in, come in. Here."

He handed her a cup; she assumed it would be the first of many. Her fingers wrapped around it and she was surprised to find it cold. Raising a brow she looked at Iroh. He simply gestured with his hand, urging her to drink it.

"This is a new type of brew. I thought you might appreciate it considering our current weather." He laughed to himself.

She sipped it gratefully, appreciating his consideration. It started off sweet with a tart aftertaste, a refreshing drink considering her morning. She watched as he busied himself around her, chipping off chunks of ice and chilling teapots.

He told her about the latest patrons at the Dragon, how beautiful the blossoms had been that spring and had started in on a long story about a haircut and King Kuei's bear. Katara settled in, enjoying his various tangents and words of wisdom. In the midst of a section about a spa and a stampede the door opened.

Katara quickly shot to her feet. Even with Iroh she couldn't relax. Too many people were looking for her to fall, waiting to pick up the pieces. She had to at all times present the proper image of a Water Tribe Ambassador, no matter the circumstance and that included proper manners at all times. Familiarity among non-family members wasn't exactly frowned upon in the Fire Nation but she had no intention of making any mistakes. Her insistence on correctness had driven Zuko halfway up the wall but he hadn't complained that time she'd gotten them stuck inside that cupboard to avoid being caught by kitchen staff. That's why she couldn't help but smile when her lover poked his head inside. When he saw her he returned the smile and came in.

"How did you get away?" She could hardly believe he'd actually managed it.

Zuko shrugged as if it were nothing though she knew better. "I told my Councillors I had urgent business with my uncle. They couldn't exactly refuse, especially since he's been away for the last year." Zuko walked up and wrapped his arms around Iroh.

"It's good to see you nephew. Sit. I have a new blend of jasmine for you to try," he handed over a cup.

Zuko took the drink and settled onto the cushions opposite Katara. He took note of the giant chuck of ice sitting as a centrepiece and gave her a look but said nothing.

"So how did you really get out of your meetings?" Katara whispered.

He shot her a glare and glanced over to Iroh who was busying himself with tea leaves, pretending he couldn't hear every word they were saying. Sheepishly he muttered. "I promised them a royal tour sometime next year."

She fought the smirk but couldn't help it. He hated royal functions. Having been denied his birthright for so long he never thought he'd be forced to go through the agony of royal duties like ceremonies and speeches. They felt empty, a hollow service with little purpose. Instead he found he was more at home in the Council Chambers and at his desk, trying to right the wrongs his family had wrought against the world and his own people.

Katara knew better than most how much guilt and duty drove him to sleepless nights and an empty stomach. It was she who made sure he ate, made him take time off and occasionally sleep but even with her influence he was often exhausted. He tried to hide it, often falling asleep meditating or at his desk. In addition he'd neglected his bending and no longer practiced with his dao swords although she occasionally caught him glancing at them, mounted on the wall of his bedroom.

Iroh watched the two have a silent conversation and couldn't help but notice how the two seemed to spark off on another, how they both lit up in each other's presence. He'd often suspected there was more to their relationship and here his hopes were confirmed.

"Well nephew, what do you think?" He turned to glance down at the full cup in the young man's hands.

"Uh." Zuko took a quick sip and fought to keep from making a face. His tastes tended towards the spicy and this was quite the opposite. "It's…great."

Iroh frowned. "Zuko, a bitter truth is always better than a sweet lie."

Katara bit her lip as the Fire Lord hung his head. Very few people could manage to embarrass Zuko but Iroh wasn't long to dwell on such things, the words having had their intended effect. Instead he took the cup from Zuko's hand and replaced it with another. Katara soon found herself with a new brew as well.

"It's called Red Delight."

Zuko looked at the liquid with suspicion. "Where did you say this was from?"

Iroh's face lit up. "I didn't. I was on my way out of the Tea District when I saw an old shop on the corner. They were having a sale, fifty percent off 'Red Delight'. Naturally I bought the entire stock. The owner was so pleased he assured me it was a very potent blend. Apparently those who drink it will have their destiny revealed."

Zuko rolled his eyes and looked askance at the cup. He'd tried Uncle's concoctions before that had promised long life and great happiness. They always turned out to be empty promises from merchants looking to get rid of old stock. But Uncle was weak when it came to sale signs.

So instead the Fire Lord did what he always did and took a big gulp, nearly choking at the taste. 'Red Delight' was in a word, vile. Truly it was the _worst_ tea he'd ever tasted. But with Uncle looking on in earnest, he could only grimace as he swallowed the concoction that belonged at the bottom of the ocean.

"Uncle this tastes terrible!"

Iroh frowned before turning to Katara for a second opinion. She shuddered, her reaction much akin to Zuko's. She looked at the retired General almost apologetically as she passed her own verdict on the tea.

"I think I can see why that shop owner was happy you bought the entire stock."

Iroh simply smiled, accepting their mistaken opinions as his eyes twinkled in revenge. "You wouldn't hurt an old man's feelings by rejecting a cup of tea would you?"

The two shared a weary look before resigning themselves to finishing their cups. They couldn't deny him and there was no sense in arguing. He'd simply start quoting ancient proverbs at them until they gave in. Zuko simply downed the entire concoction in one gulp to be rid of it. Katara tried to politely sip it, measuring out the revolting flavour inch by inch.

"You know nephew, the owner also said that if two people shared the drink they were destined to become lovers."

Zuko started coughing. Katara blushed bright red and tried to hide behind her cup. Iroh simply chuckled.

"But I suppose it is only tea after all."

The rest of the afternoon was spent tasting different blends and enduring merciless teasing from Iroh who was enjoying himself far too much.

.oOo.

That night Zuko was at his desk, trying to tackle the mountain of paper that was consuming his spare time. He sorted through crop yields, petitions for clemency and army recruitment numbers, records of medical supplies, tax revenues and a slowly-growing itemized list of the damage incurred by the war in each province.

He pulled a hand through his hair and stretched, fingers reaching for the ceiling. Looking down at his efforts he sighed. There was no evidence he'd even sat down. Despite working for hours the piles looked the same. Glaring at his desk he briefly considered lighting everything on fire and starting from scratch. But instead he simply grabbed the parchment on top and started reading.

The oil burned low as his eyes grew heavy and sleep overwhelmed him. When he woke he found himself in his mother's garden. Shading his face from the brightness of the sun his eyes settled on the turtle duck pond. Sitting next to it was Katara, dressed in green. She was oblivious to his presence, swishing her bare feet in the water.

"Katara?"

She didn't turn, didn't even acknowledge his presence. Instead she watched the lone turtle duck swimming in circles by her feet. He reached out to her but before his hand touched her shoulder he saw a red string tried around his wrist with a line leading straight to Katara.

In that moment she looked up at him, blue eyes sparkling as she smiled. She reached up, her hair shining like a halo. But before their hands could touch, he woke up.

Jerking awake his head sprang up from his desk, parchment stuck to his face. Frowning he reached up and pulled it away, drool coating the side of his face. As he stared at a report on water drainage he was left wondering what his dream was all about.

.oOo.

Katara had been busy looking out her window, watching the moon rise, feeling the power surge through her body. It was a constant comfort, a reminder of Tui's presence within her. It had been a long day though and the longer she stared, the sleepier she became.

When she woke she found herself in the throne room, standing in front of the wall of flames. Zuko was beside her, staring into the fire, seemingly mesmerised. He was wearing his top knot with the Fire Lord headpiece in his hair. He was usually dressed far more simply, as his traditional garb only served to remind him of his father. Here though he looked imposing, intimidating, his mouth a firm line.

As she reached out to him she saw red ribbon attached to her wrist. It led down to Zuko. Looking closer though, she found that the undulating string between the two of them looked strange. That's when she felt something familiar. The ribbon wrapped around their wrists… was made of blood? Katara was horrified.

She tried to call out to Zuko but before she did she woke up, her heart pounding, her hands shaking. The moon was bright outside her window and she was alone with her thoughts. Looking down at her bare wrist she wondered what her dream had meant.


	3. Day 3 - Drunk

The party had been a terrible idea. Or at least Katara thought so. She sipped her second glass of Dragonwine, wincing as the heat burned her throat. Gathering a fistful of fabric in her hand, she walked towards the nearest wall, trying to escape the press of people. Dressed in dark blue, the custom silk garment swished with every sway of her hips, the underskirt shimmering. Iroh had allowed her to commission the Royal Tailors and she'd gladly taken advantage. Now she wondered if it had been worth the time and money.

Standing next to one of the torches she scanned the crowd for Zuko. She'd watched his entrance from a distance as he was announced. Covered from head to toe in layers of red and gold he'd practically given off his own light, his headpiece shining like a beacon. Katara had fought a smile over how handsome he'd looked.

Now her eyes followed him as he greeted all the requisite guests warranting a personal welcome. Then he'd had a short conversation with his Trade Minister before being plied with food and drink from the many servers circulating the room. He'd refused all offers with a hand and polite smile.

She wanted to go to him, stand beside him, hold his hand and have people acknowledge what they were. But she couldn't. What they had was secret; hidden from the world; never to be spoken of. To everyone else they were just friends who'd survived the war. No one suspected that they shared anything deeper, that he had her flat on her back, on her knees, or against a wall every chance he got.

It was an exhausting exercise pretending not to be together, keeping their distance in public to stay above suspicion. That's why they had their secret code. She wore red to show he was in her thoughts. He wore silver. It was something small and inconspicuous but it helped on those days when there was no time to be together. That's why it hurt so much when he had to pretend the way he was now.

He was speaking to a beautiful woman in a bright red dress, her hair elaborately styled. She had a white-haired man on her arm who was either her father or an elderly husband. Katara sincerely hoped he was the latter but the girl giggled, smiling brightly at the Fire Lord. The old man matched her grin with one of his own, revealing a row of crooked teeth.

Katara frowned and then noticed the long line of elegantly dressed women obviously waiting to be introduced to Zuko. She sighed. It happened at every official function. Hopeful families would trot out their eligible daughters, expounding on their talents and dowries, hoping one would draw their sovereign's eye. And every time he would smile politely and give them no hope. It didn't mean she wasn't bothered though.

She saw the looks in those women's eyes, the hunger as they stared at his crown, their eyes wandering down his body. Katara didn't like to admit it but she was jealous. He was already hers and she didn't like people looking at him as if he could be there's. Not willing to watch any longer she turned and gulped her drink before grabbing another.

Instead she spent her evening nibbling on the occasional finger food and exchanging pleasantries with various guests. She did at one point find herself trapped by the Earth Nation Minister for Public Works. He had a voice that could put rocks to sleep and wouldn't stop talking about the water distribution system in Ba Sing Se and how she should visit and being a Water Bender she could appreciate the complexities involved. She tried to seem interested while fighting a yawn, her eyes glazing over as she looked for an escape.

That's when she caught Zuko staring at her from across the room. He smiled appraisingly at her dress. She ducked her head to hide the blush but when she looked up again he was being accosted by a girl with a green fan. She was hanging off his arm and Zuko was doing his best to extricate himself without looking flustered. At one point his guards stepped in but the girl only clung harder to him.

Katara rolled her eyes and as politely as possible excused herself from the Minister's lecture. She grabbed another glass of wine, ignoring the voice in her head that told her it was a bad idea. Instead she swished out onto a balcony and leaned over the railing, cradling her drink like a lifeline. She should be used to this. She'd been to enough dinners and parties that seeing women vying for the Fire Lady position shouldn't bother her anymore. And yet the truth of her situation was inevitable. She and Zuko couldn't stay together forever.

Miserable at the thought, she finished her drink and stared out at the palace grounds, wondering how the rest of the city was celebrating. Midsummer was an important day for the Fire Nation. Declared a national holiday it was a celebration filled with food and dancing. Symbols of Agni decorated every doorway. Children filled their bellies and ran around with lanterns strapped to their backs. Adults cleaned house and cooked big dinners, readying their houses for the wet season and darkening days. In the Caldera there were games, storytellers and a glut of food all culminating in a flurry of fireworks. Here at the palace they were having a party filled with nobles and delegates who were attending to politic as much as to enjoy the evening. Dressed in their finest silks and linens, guests mingled while eating and drinking delicacies prepared by the best chefs in the nation.

She downed the rest of her drink and wondered what Toph would have made of it all. Katara smiled. She probably would have offended half the people she spoke to and delighted everyone else. Sokka would have hovered over the food, hoarding the meat trays. And Aang; he would have loved the party. Sighing she leaned her head on her hand, feeling fuzzy and wondering how long she had to wait before she could leave for her rooms.

There was a loud thump behind her and she slowly turned to find Zuko. Gone was the fancy raiment he'd been wearing. Now he was dressed in a simple pair of pants and a tunic. She leaned around him to look back through the doors at the party still going on.

"You sure you it's alright to be seen out here with me?"

He shrugged. "Better you than anyone else."

She made a face at how casual he was being. They both knew what would happen if they were caught and it wouldn't end well for either of them. Zuko simply ignored her concern and walked up to her, brushing a stray hair behind her ear.

"I didn't come through the door." He smiled, as if that made his presence any more acceptable.

She quirked a brow before looking to the roof. "How long do you have?"

"I told my guards I was retiring for the night."

She beamed and leapt into his arms, grabbing handfuls of fabric, pulling him close. He cradled her head, wrapping an arm around her waist. For the moment he was hers again.

"I tried to find you earlier but you were speaking with Minister Tao," he spoke into her shoulder.

Katara chuckled. "He wouldn't stop talking about his job. I didn't think you'd be able get away from your adoring mob."

He grimaced. "I wanted to. But I have to keep the favour of their fathers. Without their support we could have riots in the countryside, maybe civil war. They only want to marry into the royal line so they can have military contracts, land grants and bragging rights. They don't care who's on the throne. If Uncle was in charge they'd probably be trying to foist their daughters off on him."

"Yes but unlike you he might actually enjoy a group of young women falling over themselves to impress him," she teased.

Grunting the Fire Lord ignored the jab and pulled her towards the wall and into the shadows before leaning down to kiss her. She met his efforts with equal fervour, parting her lips. He thought she tasted like Dragonwine as she wound her arms around his neck, threading her fingers through his hair. He groaned, pressing against her before pulling away for a moment and caressing her cheek.

"You look beautiful."

"So do you." Her cheeks flushed as she looked at him staring down at her, that familiar adoration in his eyes.

Then he reached a hand out and slowly pulled aside the strap of her dress, lowering his lips to her shoulder, kissing the bare skin. Slowly he moved towards her neck, his hand sliding down to rest on her hip. She threw her head back against the wall, eyes closed, doing her best to keep quiet. Biting her lip, she was fully aware that only shadows hid them from the party, though at the moment she couldn't bring herself to care very much.

Before long he had her halfway out of her dress, all her elaborate ties undone with his nimble fingers. Beneath he was surprised to find her in crimson bindings. He smiled revealing teeth and his eyes practically glowed from within.

"I was wondering where the red was," he murmured, reaching up to cup a breast as he brushed a thumb over her nipple. She gasped at the contact, wanting more.

He quieted her with a hard kiss, a hand slipping around to grip her backside. Katara snuck her fingers under his tunic, scratching down the hard planes of his torso with her nails. In response he pulled her leg over his hip as he pressed up against her. She could feel him hard against her thigh, his breath hot on her cheek. He felt warmer than usual and she was melting against him.

"It's a rather good turnout."

They both froze, her leg around his hip, his cock pushed snugly up against her. Hot and bothered neither had any choice but to remain motionless and simply listen.

"As long as we don't have any incidents like last year I'll be happy."

Two Fire Nation Councillors had stopped right next to the doors and seemed to have no intention of leaving. Based on their voices Katara would have guessed they were Shan and Utem, two of the more obstinate members on Zuko's Council.

"I can hardly believe the boy actually convinced Corza to come. Stuffy old bugger never leaves the valley."

"Yes. He can occasionally work wonders."

Katara frowned at their dismissive tone. Zuko may be young but he was their Lord. They had no right to speak of him in that manner. She glanced up. His mouth was set in a firm line, his jaw clenched. But they were both powerless to do or say anything lest they reveal themselves.

"You know I practically had to beat him to agree."

"We can at least make some progress with a Tour. And perhaps we can get some real work done with him away." The two chuckled.

"Hopefully he'll return with a bride."

"He's had time for fun. Six years we've waited. No more. If things haven't progressed by next year I'll put forward a motion that the Sages make a selection **for** him."

"He does seem rather incapable of choosing for himself. Lucky prat. If I had the pick of the Nation I wouldn't waste it." The disdain was accompanied by the sloppy gulping down of a drink.

"It's more along the lines of indifference. He cares not who we present to him."

"And you're sure he has no mistress?"

"The Lord of the Bedchamber assures me he sees no one, neither mistress nor whore."

Zuko's grip on her tightened. A spy in his household and Councillors checking on his bed habits. He thought he'd cleared the palace of secrets and lies. Apparently he'd been remiss in not looking closely enough.

After quibbling over more trivial matter the Councillors left, leaving chaos in their wake. Katara slowly pulled her dress back on. The chill of the evening and the interruption had slammed a stark reality up against the fantasy she'd been living in. They would never accept her with Zuko. Quickly she threaded the ties on her dress, trying to achieve the same clean lines from when she first stepped foot in the ballroom. It was hopeless though. Before she'd had servants to help and she hadn't been distraught. Now her fingers were shaking and she couldn't quiet her thoughts. She was about to growl in frustration when Zuko grabbed her hands in his own.

"Katara i-"

"Zuko stop." She couldn't deal with this right now, couldn't comfort both herself and him. She'd learned the hard way about having her feelings pulled in too many directions and she was still digesting what those men had said.

He frowned at her. "I was going to say ignore them. They're still angry I removed the stipends they'd been given during the war. They're looking for anything they can use to hold over me."

"Those women you were introduced to, it wasn't just for show Zuko. They were paraded in front of you for a reason." She tried to pull away; she didn't want him to see how upset they'd made her but he wouldn't let go.

"My heart's with you Katara." He laid one of her hands flat on his chest, the steady thrum of his heartbeat under her palm.

She closed her eyes, remembering a time when she hadn't been sure if it would ever beat again and sighed. "But where is your head?"

He narrowed his eyes, "I can do both. Be with you and serve the Fire Nation."

"Can you?"

He looked at her in disbelief. "You don't think so?"

For a moment she thought of pretending, of trying to prolong the dream. But it was too late. Hurt him now or hurt him later it would all end the same.

"We knew this was going to end eventually."

His eyes widened and his grip slackened. She took advantage and stepped back, letting her hands slide out of his.

"Katara. Don't do this." He moved towards her but a shake of her head had him pause mid-step. It hurt too much being in his arms, knowing she would be replaced with someone else. Someone he would call wife.

"Didn't you hear them?" She hissed, ignoring the tears. "They're going to make you choose and you can't pick me."

"Katara they aren't going to **make** me do anything."

"And if you lose the support of the nobles? You said without their favour you risk civil war. You have a duty to your people Zuko. I won't be the cause of ruining everything you've built."

"It won't come to that. Katara please." He held out a hand, his eyes pleading with her.

She didn't dare look at him, knowing his face, his touch, La even just his voice was a weakness she wasn't ready to admit. Instead she did the only thing that would ease the pressure in her chest and walked away. She brushed an arm against her face, trying to maintain a semblance of control as she exited the party, ignoring looks as she retreated back to her rooms.

Zuko stared after her for a long while, stuck standing where she'd left him. The warmth from her hand over his heart was gone and he was alone as the fireworks began exploding into the sky in a flurry of red and yellow. No one saw him leave as he leapt onto the roof, his face turning to look at the moon for a moment before he descended into shadow.


	4. Day 4 - Lost

Katara woke slowly, a hand coming to her face as she winced at the pain in her head. Her mouth was dry and tasted of fish sauce left in the sun too long. Staring at the wood paneling on the ceiling, she could have sworn Toph had dropped a mountain on her. She lay like that, unmoving for a long while as she tried to quiet the storm swirling in her belly. Groaning she turned over in bed, pulling the covers up. She decided to forego breakfast in favour of regaining control of her stomach.

As she tried to drift back to sleep, the events of last night came rushing back to her: the Dragonwine, the Councillors, Zuko, the things she'd said to him. She felt awful and not just because her head felt five sizes too big. What she'd said… it wasn't a lie but they both imagined they'd have more time. It had only been a few months since they'd worked up the courage to become more than friends.

Before, Zuko had always been able to stall the Councillors and Sages on the marriage front, exhausting himself in the process. He'd thrown himself into projects aimed at restoring the Fire Nation and its people to a respected position in the world. It had involved large amounts of what remained of the royal treasury and an almost complete lack of sleep. In the beginning she'd tried to pretend it didn't bother her how much he sacrificed just so they could be together, tried to ignore the dark circles under his eyes, how often he fell asleep at his desk but the guilt was always there.

It was clear though that this was no longer enough to put off talk of marriage. If his Council was willing to force the issue they'd run out of time. She pulled the pillow over her head, muttering about what she'd do to those old men if she were Zuko.

In that moment last night, overhearing their private conversation, she'd been so angry and hurt knowing it had to end. Zuko would leave on a Royal Tour with the expectation of returning engaged, all because he'd made a deal with the Councillors to sneak away and see her. It wasn't fair!

She clenched her hands into the fabric, hating it, hating all of it. Circumstances of birth and historical events had brought them together and were now trying to tear them apart. She desperately wanted to be selfish with Zuko but knew she couldn't. He was the Fire Lord, she was an Ambassador. They had responsibilities, both to their people and the world. Besides, there were so many things more important than the feelings they shared.

Conflicted and angry at herself, she was ready to spend the rest of the day in bed berating her stupidity when she heard a brisk knock. Tensing, she winced at the noise and only relaxed when her handmaid Teza came in, bearing a tray.

The woman was a good head taller than Katara. Her clothing as always was immaculate, her hair elaborately styled with her favourite pin. Recommended personally by Iroh, the woman had been indispensable even when she was being overly formal which was always.

"Good morning Master Katara. Breakfast has been arranged."

Teza placed the tray on the bed, filled with all manner of fruits. Normally it was an enticing spread and light enough to allow room for tea. Now though, the thought of eating caused a burbling sensation that Katara didn't like.

"It's just Katara, Teza."

"Of course Lady Katara," Teza's mouth twitched as she bowed. "As yesterday's festivities carried on into the morning, all meetings have been canceled today by order of the Fire Lord. I thought you would rather take breakfast here than in the Council Room."

Katara blinked in confusion. _Zuko cancelled the meetings?_ For a moment she wondered what had happened after she left. The thought was fleeting though. She had no desire to recall any of yesterday's events, preferring to forget them. Instead she grabbed a piece of dragonfruit and absently nibbled.

Glancing at the Waterbender, Teza could tell the rumours bore at least some truth to them. The girl looked out of sorts, upset even. She had no doubt it was connected to last night's party and likely the Fire Lord himself. All the same, she worried for the young woman. An outsider trying to navigate the court was more likely to be burned than welcomed, especially if she sought company in the arms of their ruler. She'd never broached the subject with the Ambassador as it was her job to keep secrets, not discuss them but she could tell there was something between them. The way they looked at one another, the subtle glances, how they lit up in each other's presence. She had no thought to the possible outcome of such a relationship but she'd heard the stories, what they'd done during the war. They could stand to have a little happiness in their lives.

Katara nodded, smiling weakly. As horrible as she felt, Teza was as good as gold, looking after her and on occasion, bossing her around. She already tried and failed to remind the woman that she'd lived under the stars for months on end and had been looking after herself for years.

The handmaid pursed her lips at Katara's red eyes and rumpled appearance. "I'll send the maids in to take care of that hair and draw a bath for you."

"Oh that really won't be necessary. I don't plan on going anywhere to…day." She caught the look in her handmaid's eye and trailed off.

"I see. Would you also like me to cancel your fitting at the tailor's?"

 _The wedding. Right._

"No that will be fine Teza."

"Very well. I'll have the bath prepared." She swished out of the room, the door clicking behind her.

Katara sighed, trying to a brush a hand through her hair before it got caught in tangles. She'd originally been looking forward to the ceremony. Now though, the idea left her cold because Zuko would be there and she'd already agreed to attend. It wasn't something she could back out of but fortunately it was going to be a large affair and maybe she could avoid him in the crowds. Held at the Palace, the wedding was serving as a diplomatic affair with both Fire Nation and Earth Kingdom guests attending.

She really die want to see Commander Jee and Lien get married though. She liked to think she had a hand in their union, having encouraged the woman to look beyond the fact that Jee was a firebender. At least someone had to benefit from the re-established diplomatic ties between the nations.

As she stared at her breakfast, feeling sorry for herself, a line of maids shuffled in, poking and prodding the Master Waterbender into the washroom. Katara had long since ceased to protest as they undressed her and started in on her hair. All she'd wanted to do was go back to bed but with Teza around that wasn't an option. Fortunately the work of making her presentable was done in blissful silence. Only the swish of fabric and the whisper of women could be heard above the splashing of water.

Finally she emerged, dressed in a comfortable gown of pale blue. She still felt horrible but at least it wasn't obvious to the casual observer. Now the only problem was she'd have to actually leave her room which possibly meant encountering Zuko. But Teza was right, she had a fitting and Udiya was strict about keeping appointments.

Katara considered following the maids out to hide amongst them but thought they would think it strange. So instead she paced nervously in front of the door for several minutes before she took a deep breath and peeked into the hall. There was no one to be seen. Quickly and quietly she slipped out and crept down the hallway towards the Royal Tailor.

She could hear the thud of her heart in her ears as she fought the urge to run, knowing it would only raise questions. Eyes flicked to every door and down every hallway, scanning for the one person she had no desire to meet. Fortunately she only encountered guards who didn't look twice at her. She practically dove down the familiar passage and slipped into the right room, not bothering to knock.

"Miss Katara!" Udiya held out her arms in welcome. "How are you this morning? Or I suppose it's afternoon isn't it? Well no matter."

The small woman beckoned her over, pulling her onto what Udiya called 'the Stage'. Consisting of a raised platform in front of multiple mirrors it was one of Katara's least favourite places. It was worse than usual today as the nausea she'd been fighting all morning was starting to make itself known.

"Now you just stand right there and I'll find it for you." Udiya pulled a stylus out of her hair and started chewing on it as she looked around for the dress that had been wearing her eyes out. "Ahah!" She pulled a gown from a wardrobe overflowing with fabric. "Let me know what you think. I can make any needed adjustments before the wedding."

Katara wasn't exactly in the best state of mind to appreciate to Udiya's work but she gasped all the same, her eyes watering in shock.

"It's beautiful."

Udiya made a face and thrust the gown towards her. "I would hope so. Now go change."

Katara took the garment in her hands, fingers ghosting over the silk, hardly daring to touch it. She'd been dreaming for months about her dress but now it was all going to waste. Her reason for wearing it no longer existed. She'd wanted to show it off to Zuko and dance with him but now… La she was going to give herself a headache if she kept thinking about him. A frown formed before she ducked behind the screen to hide her disappointment. Udiya had worked hard finishing it in time. The least she could do was thank her for the effort. She wasn't sure if she could force the enthusiasm.

"I can't wait forever dear. I do have other fittings today."

Giving her head a shake Katara put on her best smile and stepped out, clambering back up on the Stage. Udiya gave the garment a critical eye as she circled the young Waterbender, muttering to herself as she bent down to check the hem, inspecting the seams on the sleeves.

Katara forced herself to look at the closest mirror, admiring the detail of the dress. It was perfect. A sad smile played across her face as she brushed her hand down the bodice. It was soft and light and everything she'd wanted. And she really was getting a headache now.

"Stand still dear." Udiya grabbed hold of Katara to keep her from swaying, a knowing look in her eye. "Partake in any Dragonwine last night by chance?"

"I, may have overindulged."

Udiya tapped a finger against her lip, narrowed her eyes as she plucked off a stray thread.

"It'll be alright dear," she stepped up and patted Katara's cheek. "You won't look prettier than the bride but you'll be darn close. Good enough to catch yourself a man."

"I-I'm not! I mean I don't-" Katara blurted out, trying to clear her throat, wishing she'd brought her waterskin along.

"Yes yes I know." Udiya waved her off. "Far too busy with work as you've said. Well, I'm satisfied. Are you? Lady Tai doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Katara practically stumbled off the Stage, mumbling that she didn't think anymore needed to be done. After handing the dress over she bowed and retreated. The palace was a large place but there was a servant around every corner and they all answered to the Fire Lord and she still wasn't up to running into him.

So instead of heading back to her room where he'd be able to find her, she crept off towards the Royal Gallery, knowing it would be one of the last places he would check. It was a slightly creepy room with giant portraits of previous Fire Lords staring down at her. Ozai's spot was blissfully empty. She folded herself into one of the corners and wondered if she could spend the day hiding out in one of the unoccupied bedrooms in the Guest Quarter.

Contemplating the best spot to avoid notice, she imagined the real implications of Zuko as a married man. Could she really handle seeing him with another woman? A stranger on his arm, knowing she would share a bed and eventually children with him? Katara had sworn she'd never be a mistress, would never break the trust between a husband and wife and now she was being tested because she didn't want to give Zuko up.

Her throat closed up as she thought about him spending his life with someone else, knowing it would never be her. She couldn't do it. Couldn't live under the same roof as the woman he'd call 'wife'. It was painful to even think about, having to smile at her and speak to her as if nothing was wrong. There was nothing to be done. She'd have to give up her role as a diplomat. All her work… She'd have to abandon it.

She would not cry. Ambassadors did **not** cry. She squeezed her eyes shut as she gulped in lungfuls of air. Sweet Tui she was in love with him! It shouldn't have come as a surprise but there she was, wide-eyed in coming to the realization that she never wanted to be parted from him.

Collapsing, she scrubbed at her face, hot tears sliding down her cheeks as she let out a sob before holding her head in her hands, shaking. She should be stronger than this. She didn't need Zuko. He wasn't the only important person in her life. She'd coped when everyone had gone their separate ways, when she and Aang had that last fight before he left and when Gran-gran had passed. So why did she feel so empty?

Holding a hand over her mouth to muffle her cries she simply let herself mourn for a life she would never have. Time narrowed to a point while she grieved her future, her headache growing with every breath. Without natural light she had no way of measuring shadows but it only seemed a moment before a gentle weight settled on her shoulder.

"We've been looking for you My Lady."

Katara looked up in surprise to find Lady Teza crouched in front of her.

"What?"

Teza gently pulled her to her feet.

"I was about to make. Would you like some?"

Katara nodded and let herself be led back to her rooms, occasionally wiping tears away. She sniffled as the woman prepared her a cup of Uncle's soothing jasmine brew.

Sometimes she disliked the way Teza treated her like a child. She was a grown woman for La's sake! Though truthfully she did on occasion appreciate it; there was something about Teza that was comforting, a warm smile, a reassuring voice, just like her mom. The memories of before the raid grew softer every year but Katara never forgot the way she'd felt. It often pained her to think of the woman who'd raised her, taken too soon by a war that had lasted too long but somehow Teza made everything a more bearable.

She gulped the tea, burning her tongue as she focused the on the curl of steam rising from thepot. Once it had all seemed so simple. They'd wanted to be together and so they were. Neither had wanted to contemplate tomorrow or what it might bring. Tomorrow had finally come though, bringing with it stark reality.

Part of her hoped he'd send for her or that he'd barge in, smoke billowing from his nose, yelling about how she was being ridiculous. She wanted him to change her mind and make the decision for her because she **knew** she couldn't. For the good of his people and her own they couldn't continue the lie they'd been living. They had responsibilities and had been selfish in neglecting them. He needed an heir and eventually she would be expected to marry. The elders of her tribe had been pressing for a match since the end of the war with only her diplomatic position stalling their attempts. If she left her post it was likely to start up again.

"Does he know My Lady?"

Katara tensed at the voice intruding on her thoughts. "Does who know what Teza?"

"That you love him?" Teza slowly refilled the cup nonchalantly as if she had been discussing the weather and not the love life of her sovereign.

Clenching her hands Katara fretted over how to avoid the question. But truly, what was the use in hiding if it was over? Even if Teza were to betray her confidence she had no proof of the matter. Their secret would be safe. And so she slowly set down her cup and folded her hands in her lap, staring straight up at her haidmaiden.

"No Teza and he never will."


End file.
